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One of my favorite lines from the movie The Renaissance Man perhaps sheds insight into our perceptions of love.  Bill Rago (Danny Devito) is working on a military base as a teacher after being fired from his job in advertising.  One day, he’s late for his class, and he’s making excuses for the traffic — “You ever notice when you’re running late, they radio-dispatch all slow drivers to stop traffic.” Or, something like that — my memory fails me right now for the exact wording.

But, that’s the way I feel.  When I drive, I get very annoyed by other drivers, especially when I’m late.  And here’s what I’m thinking the entire time:  if they weren’t such slow drivers, I’d probably make it on time.  See what I’m doing?  Suddenly, I’ve relieved myself of guilt for being late, and now I can blame traffic or old people or tractors, or whatever is in my way.  Not my lateness.

I think we treat our relationships the same way sometimes: 

I wouldn’t get so angry if she wouldn’t…

Well, if he would just stop …, then I wouldn’t react that way.

I know I was a little..., but that’s because she was so….

We blame the traffic.  And, most of the time, the traffic is inconsequential.  It’s what happened before the traffic showed up.  It was a lack of communication, a lack of kindness, an insensitive word, an expectation set too high.

Love deserves honesty, and I’m learning to be honest about my own faults first.