One of my favorite lines from the movie The Renaissance Man perhaps sheds insight into our perceptions of love. Bill Rago (Danny Devito) is working on a military base as a teacher after being fired from his job in advertising. One day, he’s late for his class, and he’s making excuses for the traffic — “You ever notice when you’re running late, they radio-dispatch all slow drivers to stop traffic.” Or, something like that — my memory fails me right now for the exact wording.
But, that’s the way I feel. When I drive, I get very annoyed by other drivers, especially when I’m late. And here’s what I’m thinking the entire time: if they weren’t such slow drivers, I’d probably make it on time. See what I’m doing? Suddenly, I’ve relieved myself of guilt for being late, and now I can blame traffic or old people or tractors, or whatever is in my way. Not my lateness.
I think we treat our relationships the same way sometimes:
I wouldn’t get so angry if she wouldn’t…
Well, if he would just stop …, then I wouldn’t react that way.
I know I was a little..., but that’s because she was so….
We blame the traffic. And, most of the time, the traffic is inconsequential. It’s what happened before the traffic showed up. It was a lack of communication, a lack of kindness, an insensitive word, an expectation set too high.
Love deserves honesty, and I’m learning to be honest about my own faults first.
