Love is work. I should probably end the post there, but I need to write this out for me so I’ll remember it and live it more consistently.
I’m coming up on my 10th Anniversary this August (thank you, thank you), and I’ve been trying to assess how well I’ve done loving my wife. Those vows are doozies, you know.
richer or poorer: 9 (Until my wife took over the finances, I wasn’t doing as well, but since then, I think things are much better)
sickness and health: 8 (I cleaned up vomit, but docked myself points for watching a movie on my laptop during the labor portion of my daughter’s birth. Technically, there was nothing I could do…but I wasn’t really helping the situation.)
better or worse: 8 (I could have loved better when we prayed for 2 years to have a child…those were some rough times, and I’d never had to love someone through something like that before.)
forsaking all others: 10 (okay, the death threats have helped…I kid, I kid)
That’s a final score of 45 out of 50 — 90%.
Okay, that’s how I would have assessed myself. But, the more I thought about it, the more I fought against this idea of ranking love on a scale. It seemed so…impersonal. Besides, the numbers and the rankings are arbitrary — made up just to confirm my own confidence in my performance (or confirm my own guilt, depending on my mood).
The real test of love is one thing: does the object of my affection feel loved? Do my kids feel loved? Does my wife feel loved? Because even though I intend my actions to send love their way, the message might not be interpreted the way I intend. The trick of love is that it has less to do with ME and more to do with HER/HIM. Love is always focused on the other.
And you get tested every day.

